the lost art of...
Wooing Your Beloved
As the first day of February, it seemed very fit that we address what will shortly be a very pressing to one & all – Valentine’s Day. Originally named for two early Christian martyrs, this festival has been hijacked by the Man as yet another occasion for wasting money. And who, including The Lady, would reject this valuable opportunity for letting our suitors express their love?? Flowers, confectionery, & of course a card, are all acceptable forms of currency in which to trade goods for affection. However, the selection of exactly which items are decided upon represents a mine-field of potential offences. So, here follows a guide to help assist the easily confused & advisedly cautious amongst you.
The Language of Flowers
- NO CARNATIONS. Not ever. Even if you’ve only just remembered it’s Valentine’s Day & that’s all they have at the garage down the road.
- You need to ask for a ‘hand-tied’ bouquet (a round gift-wrapped display in a cellophane bubble of water). The flowers do then not have to be put immediately into a vase and can be put aside whilst you present whatever else is on offer (”coffee, tea… me?”)
- Successful flower selection rests on scale – go for either one stem or two dozen. Never ever just pick up one pre-wrapped bouquet. If you must go that route, pick up three bunches & ask for them to be re-wrapped. Multiple bunches of the same variety always looks amazing too.
The Card
- Draw your own Valentines card using some vintage examples for inspiration
- Moonpig is only ever to be used in birthday emergencies. There is no romance in a card ordered off the internet from a pig that lives on the moon.
Gifts
- Fitness videos are a definite no no. Unless purchased as a porn substitute. Rather unclassy though.
- Same goes for marabou slippers.
- Or ANYTHING from Ann Summers. Decidedly chav. However firmly you enter with your tongue in cheek.
- Heart-shaped jewellery is a classic & is a definite yes. Love Hearts (the confectionery kind) have created a range that is quite sweet (boom boom!!) Or a Vivienne Westwood necklace would go down a treat. Ha ha. Or a heart & wings necklace maybe? Not heart-shaped, but still lovely, is the Lulu Guinness lipstick-themed jewellery range.
- Comedy underpants & boxer shorts belong in the same reduced price sale box as marabou anything.
- This Alessi heart-shaped spoon & giant pink ice-cream bowl designed for sharing could be a fun treat to open in bed, complete with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food.
- The Love Letters of Great Men book would score double points for romance & for remembering it from its appearance in the Sex & the City film.
Presentation
Almost as important as the present itself. How you display your offering is a good opportunity for scoring bonus points & can make even the cheapest gift look a million pounds. A Rolo in a box with a bow would melt any heart and would cost a lot less than a fiver. Not having any money is NO EXCUSE. My paramour once impressed me big time by designing his own Valentines card when at the time he was reduced to borrowing bus fare off his mum. The fact that it was designed as part of the Tesco Value range, complete with the blue stripes, did not. Pop down to Paperchase & invest in a colourful box/bag/bow & then check out some comedy present-wrapping clips on YouTube for hints. Tin foil is not an acceptable solution.
object of lust
Frog, I love you.
The Lady was happily browsing her favourite website the other day, when she accidentally happened upon an article in The Storque on the art of display. Inside was an object seen before but certainly did not know of a use for… until now. Meet the Frog – an object previously used by flower arrangers and now hi-jacked by vintage loving nest makers as desk display art for holding pens & paint-brushes. The Lady wants one. Now. Get yours off ebay or etsy.
the lost art of...
The Lost Art of Shopping at a Haberdashery
As all veteran shoppers know well, all the very best shopping surprises to be found on the High Street can be discovered in those little-known surprises; that back street boutique or the charity shops dotted here & there. But an oft forgotten fact is that there is a sadly dying-out breed of shop that frequently holds a vast treasure cave of wonders… the Haberdashers. Few & far between, haberdashers are a closely held secret once found by over-zealous shopping mavens. But as The Lady is feeling benevolent today, she may be inclined to share a few…
muse of the month
Muse of the Month – Daphne Guinness
The Lady has always had the biggest girl-crush on Daphne Guinness since spotting her in one of Vogue’s many photographs of her in their celebrity-at-play sections… Far too-cool-for school, with her platinum hair & its shock of black, fingers full of enormous silver knuckle-dusters. So, when The Lady discovered that Nancy Mitford was her great-aunt and that she grew up in an artists’ colony with Dali and the Surrealists, the crush grew to epic proportions.